Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
