New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
