that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize