tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No subtext here. People are naked.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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