I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Enjoy the penises
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
