Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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