She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
home. puking in laundry basket.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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