dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize