She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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