She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
