So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
