I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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