Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am naked and annoyed.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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