For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
