i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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