I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
How naked do you want me to be?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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