dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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