She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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