the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
