You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
nutella sex= disaster
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Randomize
