This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
