i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
