I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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