Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize