I hate all girls vehemently.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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