Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
