If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize