I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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