CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
