never play flip cup with pint glasses
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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