I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
