i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
