It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize