everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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