I'm really into asian looking animals
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
