You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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