i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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