You're my little dorito
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
