I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
