he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
God I need to hump something, right now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
