Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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