Have you finally orgasmed yet?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
