Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
