Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
