Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
