If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
