Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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