when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
