1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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