Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
