dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
