If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
