are you still at the devil's house?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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