so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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