There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
