you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You are the jesus of drinking
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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