Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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