I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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