So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
