You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize