I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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