dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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