so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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